I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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