I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Randomize
