i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
