So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
