There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
