I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
