I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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