Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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