saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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