i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
