It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
