i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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