i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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