I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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