I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
