but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
