is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
