I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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