You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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