moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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