I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
