That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
