If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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