when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
