Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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