I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
