Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
