Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
