i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
