U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize