You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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