I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
