Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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