I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
