Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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