I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
