mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
