love makes seman taste better
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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