Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
