You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
