me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
