I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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