How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
