Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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