office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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