I got her a Nickelback box set.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
