Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
