make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
