I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize