i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
