The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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