cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
