On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
