i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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