I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
