Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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