Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
then he tried to convert me to islam
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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