she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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