If i come over, it means nothing
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
