Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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