i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
