yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
