He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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