Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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