its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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