I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
