Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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