32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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