have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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