Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
