I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
