idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
