i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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