did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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