Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
