So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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