shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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