It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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