What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
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It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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