Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
