My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
