The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit