I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again