He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
