Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
